Encouraging kids to hug strange men

We went to a lovely party last weekend ( Dan-Dan is quite the social butterfly, he had three events to attend on Sunday) with tiny cakes galore. The festivities peaked when a furry giant Elmo appeared from the kitchen. At first, most kids shrieked with terror at this sudden apparition, but later calmed down. Elmo handed out little goodies and the kids forgot their fear, going so far as to hug the creature. Dan-Dan continued to hold back – I was secretly pleased . I’m not sure I want my kid to go out and get pally with strange men, especially ones that give out candy.

Manifesto for Living

Inspired by Yvon Chouinard,  I am trying to develop a way of living that will place less of a burden on the planet. I want to live light yet not compromise too much on my current glamorous lifestyle. Here are the ten principles I’ve formulated so far-

1. Don’t buy something unless you actually need it. Try renting or borrowing instead.

2. If you have to buy something (other than food), then try to buy something used rather than something new

3. If you have to buy something new, ask yourself – will this last at least 5 years ? This question is intended to get at the quality of the item, as well as its ability to adapt to changes in lifestyle,  fashion,  technology, place of living etc.

4. Buy bulk rather than packaged foods

5. Buy local foods rather than suppy-chain foods ( things that have to get on a plane)

6. Walk or cycle to places nearby rather than driving

7. Switch to green power

8. Work from home or take public transportation once a week

9. Buy electrons rather than print.

10.Recycle or buy recycled where possible.

Lazy Gardening

I would like to have a garden, but I don’t have the inclination or talent to actually do anything . I do not have a  green thumb, nor am I dextrous enough to tend to such tasks as watering, pruning, trimming, feeding or mowing . Ideally, I would like to facilitate a garden in growing whereby the garden tends to itself, and I just pop by from time to time with a pep talk or vocational guidance.

Only part of this is general lethargy, the rest is very little confidence in doing anything with my hands. Since childhood, I have been exceptionally bad at crafts and such.  In third grade,  for example, I had to take a sewing class, complete with an exam where you had to first draw a little posey and then embroider it . Seeing me struggle,  the little boy next to me just grabbed the sewing from my hands and did it himself.   Fortunately, it was not a school where only the girls were meant to sew and the boys were sent out to play football.  Equally fortunately, my neighbour was clearly a well-brought up little child whose tribe, I pray, has increased.  

We once had a water garden,which worked pretty fine until the west nile virus came along . Plus , the water plants in the garden had grown to be 10 feet long and were more reminsicent of a tropical jungle that could have shelted an alligator or two.  Cactii were also tried and many lived for as long as six months. Apparently you do have to feed them once in a while. We have managed to retain two house plants that we will have to donate to Science someday so that researchers can better understand their ability to live without nutrients or water.

Let my people go surfing

Madhu had brought home a copy of the book by Yvon Chouinard, the founder of Patagonia. At first skim, I thought – another hippie pointificating about the wilderness. No thanks. But then I found the section about designing a product and a company around a rigorous philosophy, and I was hooked. Yves and his team were free spirits in more ways than one, yet there was no pfaffing around.They build enduring, well-designed products around a disciplined work ethic. Very inspiring.

Two random thoughts

Help ! I like Justin Timberlake’s songs.

Who invented the oatmeal cookie ? It’s neither delicious nor healthy.

About shopping at Target

Shopping at Target is an experience where you can spend money while feeling virtuous. You say to yourself, I am going into Target because I have to buy some detergent. And you come out laden with toys,  a lampshade, a new dining table, two pairs toddler-sized pants, stationery, eyeliner , a hat and detergent.  Since you are not admitting to yourself that you went in with the intention of buying the lampshade et. al, you can shush that internal nanny that constantly warns you about buying frivolous things and spending big bucks.  

I’m actually not a big spender, but I am extraordinalrily guilt-ridden about it. This comes from my middle class background where we thought a hundred times before buying a band-aid to staunch a bleeding aorta. By contrast, my husband can say to himself ” I am going to spend several hundred dollars each on non-essential things such as a bike, a camera or shirts”, and then go ahead and do exactly that without a qualm. I, on the other hand, have to talk myself into spending money. And that’s why I love Target.

And talking of kids’ shows

We don’t have a TV ( gave it to our nanny), but an iBook made its way into the house, and now we watch videos on it all day long. Among the various things that we end up watching are Dora, Mickey Mouse, Blue’s Clues and other fine material. And as I’ve been watching it, I’ve gotten seriously worried. These things are training my son to expect all kinds of strange things. For example, there’s the idea of getting credit for something you did not do. Now this is such a rare and unusual occurance in the real world that I doubt it would occur outside a cartoon, but bear with me. For example, in one episode, Dora needs to find a ring and put it on. After Dora finds the ring, she exhorts the viewer to help her put on the ring by holding their hand out and pointing their finger. Obviously all the holding out of hands and pointing of fingers cannot help anyone else put on a ring, but Dora seems to believe that it will.

I have so many problems with it at so many different levels that my minds starts whirling when I try to find a place to begin.  For example, what about cause and effect ? Will my son go around pointing his finger when he wants other people to put on rings ?

I must also admint that I don’t find Mickey Mouse any more comforting. For example, Mickey lives in a house James Bond would have been proud of, with secret trapdoors and fancy vehicles all over the place. He has a magic valet called “Tootles” that appears any place he calls it, including ( not kidding) outer space. But my real suspicion is that there’s something going on between Mickey and Daisy Duck. Whenever Daisy has a problem, she’s all over Mickey, batting her eyelashes and pleading with him to help. And she always comes over when Minne’s not around. Minnie is so clearly superfluous that, if this were a Bollywood set up, Minnie would have been the second heroine. The second heroine is a woman who adds an additional twist to the story because of her unrequeited love for the hero. More often than not, she meets with a sorry end. For example, she may die tragically while trying to save the hero, or go into a nunnery or nobly decline to marry the hero so that he can be with his true love.

But this isn’t a Bollywood story, so Mickey and Daisy are fated to be forever apart.  Or at least until Disney decides to make “The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” into a soap opera.  

A word on the power of marketing to kids

So I had taken my son to Bonfante Gardens in Gilroy, where rides-a-plenty can be had for about $10 a pop. Parking’s about $8 , and then all the rides are free once you’ve parted with the price of the entrance. This seems inexpensive until you actually have to buy something to consume, if you or your child are not the type who can live on fresh air and happy thoughts. Milk was about $2.15 for a little carton and everything else was similarly enhanced in price. The real genius, though, was placing the icecream bin within plain sight of every tyke.

Within the bin were ice creams of every size and shape, including several in the shape of Sponge Bob , Dora, Spider Man and whatnot. No sooner did Dan-Dan see the Dora popsicle than he was lost. Here were two of his favorite things merged together !!! ( yes, his dad is a bit worried about the Dora obsession ) And from that point on it was a done deal. The icecream could have tasted like burnt tyres and my son would have still been ecstatic. It had Dora on it, and that was all that mattered. I, being pushover mom, bought him two.

I can’t help wondering, though. Why waste this on popsicles ? The marketing company should produce Dora Ferraris and Yachts. The kids would wear down their parents and move these high ticket items in no time at all. Real estate companies with inventory languishing and turning moldy would only have to paint these things with the countenance of Dora or anything produced by Nickelodeon…and it would be snapped up just like that.

Dora-shaped broccoli or medicines would obviosuly be top sellers – this time, the buyers would be harassed parents who can’t get their kids to ingest anything that is not beige in color. Or..ahem, I think there are parents like that, but I’ve never met any of them.

Once a Dora item has been purchased, it is soon followd by its kin. Dora toothpaste is followed by Dora toothbrushes and Dora towels, I imagine. And then a Dora robot or airplane is on the shopping list, and one of us is having to sell their other kidney in order to pay the bills.

But wait….where have I seen this before ? Let’s see…perhaps it as when my husband bought me a video ipod “for me” on my birthday .And then it was followed by another video iPod. And then there was an iBook, and then there was a brief diversion to a non-Apple product – a really great camera so he could take pics of the kid and send them over to the doting grandparents…and then there were some vague mumblings about needing extra disk space..which would naturally have to be purchased at the Apple store . And Dan-Dan’s birthday is coming up, so apparently the thing that he needs above all is a little iMac of his own, so that he can watch – what else ? – Dora the Explorer.

A tempered radical

Several years ago, when I was more radical and less tempered, someone made a comment to me that I thought absolutely captured the essence of my being. I remember being in a meeting where I made a comment or asked a question and a new manager said, with a twinkle in his eye ” I know your type ! You’re a troublemaker, aren’t you ? ” . And I had to admit that yes, I was. Of course, I don’t remember this person’s name because the company I was working for at that time was hiring managers by the boatload ( hint: the company’s name rhymes with Poracle). So if you’re out there, New Manager Guy, you made a difference.

During my student years, I was incredibly charged about making a difference.  AIDS Awareness groups, Sustainable Economic Development,  Women’s Rights …no cause was too big for me to feel passionately about it. Over time, that part of me has slowly eroded. Not because I’m worn out or jaded, but because the mundane everyday happenings of daily life have taken precedence…wait, I think that’s what they mean by becoming jaded.

Now, I think of myself as a tempered radical . This is a term coined by Prof Meyerson at Stanford to address people who make a difference by refusing to give in .  Dr. Meyerson says “it’s about rocking the boat, but not so hard that you fall out of it”.  So that’s what the title of this blog means.